Friday, May 28, 2010

Italia's Next Chopped Model Week! Day 13, Part One-Too Beautiful To Die

I wish I'd viewed this last night.  Then it would have been more of a one-two punch with Nothing Underneath.

You see, even though they are only alike in theme, Too Beautiful To Die was billed as Nothing Underneath 2 in Italy.  The fashion model theme is the only thing that links the two.

This film opens with a commercial shoot.  Four beautiful women dressed like they belong in a Robert Palmer video eventually strip down to their knickers.  Never a bad way to start off a movie.  Every movie should start like that.  Well, except for maybe a Pixar flick.  That would be kinda weird.

Though there was a bit of a snafu w/my TV.  You see, it keeps a separate volume control for video settings and TV settings.  Nothing Underneath had a very low sound mix, so I had to turn the volume way up to hear anything.  When I popped the disc for Too Beautiful To Die in my player, all of a sudden, everything started blaring.  If I hadn't just peed, I would have done it right then and there.  Doesn't help matters that my window was open and the score for this one sounds like it was lifted from an 80's Skinemax flick...

...not that I would know what that sounds like...I'm only going by what I've been my pervy comedian friends...

Anyhow, onto the film itself.  The models later go to a pseudo party which is really one of those casting couch deals.  When hot new thing Sylvia figures this out it's too late.  The other girls hold her down in a hot tub while a sleazy guy rapes her (in slow motion).  After the guy has his way, Sylvia breaks free, steals a car from an agent, and gets the fuck out of dodge.

The next day, Sylvia is missing for a music video shoot.  Not just any music video.  This is a pure late 80's rock video.  With masked girls wearing football equipment couture and tight unitards.

During the shoot, the agent is informed that his car was found all burnt to a crisp with a charred body inside.

The director ends up going to the club and finds Sylvia's replacement in Melanie, a total hottie who knows what she's doing on the dance floor.  Meanwhile, everyone else involved with the party ends up getting killed.

If Hollywood realizes they're out of domestic films to rehash, they could actually benefit from remaking this film.  The entire time I watched this film, I thought about how the story could very easily transfer to the rap music world, which is always rumored to be filled with "video girls" who'll do anything for money and fame.  Karinne Steffans, anyone?  Maybe I'm a bit late in my idea, but I'd definitely watch it.  The rap/hip hop oriented horror market has a lot of potential, and I'm surprised not many people are trying to get in on it.

Too Beautiful To Die is a relic of the late 80's.  I won't go into my big hair, big whatever remarks again.  While this one does seem more violent than Nothing Underneath, which it is supposed to follow, the nudity not so much.  If it were a real sequel, you know full well they'd pack more nudity into that as well.

BTW, Director Dario Piana didn't make another film until 2007, when he made the After Dark Horrorfest entry The Deaths Of Ian Stone.

Until next other words, a couple hours from now, when I finish part 2 of my double feature.


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