Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Certified Video Nasty: The Beyond

Okay.  Finally getting around to writing about The Beyond.  Found some free time.  Not exactly feeling the greatest today so I'm skipping the gym and going tomorrow.  Think I just need a lazy day.

So, onto The Beyond...

I found it at the Naro Expanded Video store while waiting for the box office to open up (Also found Twitch of the Death Nerve, George).  Unfortunately, Virginia's super hot this time of year.  Didn't wanna risk having it sit in my car, so I had to wait until the movie was over.

So I went next door and saw the restoration of Metropolis.  Excellent, but I realized why I don't often see movies over 100 minutes in the theater...I don't have the butt-cheek fortitude.  Not even Metropolis can offset the effects of a numb backside.

Raced back to the video store, as if The Beyond were the last copy of...the latest new release of some type.  Dunno why I worried so much.  The only other person in Hampton Roads who I've spoken about Fulci with face-to-face totally destroyed the pronunciation of his name.  And that duder doesn't like Argento or Italian horror in general.  He prefers the Asian stuff...If I wanted pale, dark haired chicks, I'd rent Twilight....

So I popped this bad boy into the player that night.  Two movies in one day...talk about ass-cheek fortitude.  Even watching the second movie stretched across my bed.

The sepia toned prologue was quite well done.  Sure, the gore was kinda cheap, but it's Fulci.  I'm starting to see the light...Thin stories held together by gore setpieces.  This one takes a cue from Don't Torture a Duckling's chain-whipping scene and ups the ante with acid to the face.

The rest of the film doesn't disappoint, either.  Face meltings, eye-gougings (this time from the back of the head to the front), face-eating tarantulas...All outlandish, all fun.  One can see why the Brits got their knickers in a bunch.

And speaking of the tarantulas, I HATE spiders.  I have a history of arachnophobia.  I can kill them if need be, but other than that...ugh...If I see a big ugly spider on TV, I end up having nightmares that night.  And I sure did that night.  Brr...I don't care if they were fake during the actual flesh eating.  There were REAL spiders in some of those shots...

This film is truly one of Fulci's golden greats, and one every self-respecting gorehound should see it.


Friday, July 16, 2010

A new Nasty

I watched The Beyond the other night.  I'll write about it soon.

Just gonna say one thing.

I f***ing HATE spiders.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Not a horror movie, but...

I just saw a movie last night that I want to recommend to y'all.

Go see Lars and the Real Girl.

Just trust me on this one.

When a video nasty on my queue becomes available, I'll continue the Video Nasty-thon.  The only Nasties at my video store are movies I've already seen.  And I'm now searching for NEW Nasties.

So, until then, find a way to see Lars and the Real Girl.


Saturday, July 3, 2010


Worked out today.  Ran 4 1/3 miles.  And worked on my abs.  Soy un perro sexivo.

And I rented the remake of The Crazies.  I'll probably catch it tonight or tomorrow.

I was in the mood for a comedy, but every comedy I wanted to see was rented out.

Got some Nasties in my queue, but it might be a while before I can get to another one...I'm not planning on revisiting any Nasties that I've already seen quite yet.  The giallo month is still wearing on me.

So Evil Dead is gonna have to wait.  Besides, that movie is rereleased so damn often that I refuse to buy or rent it until they promise to STOP.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Certified Video Nasty: Absurd

I'll refer to the movie as Absurd.

George Eastman is being chased by a priest...and ends up impaled on a gate.

At the hospital, surgeons discover he can heal super quickly.  This intrigues the surgeons, but George kills a nurse and escapes before they can investigate.  He then heads to a house in the woods.  Inside are a babysitter, a bratty kid, and a girl who seems to be paralyzed from the neck down...whose nurse is gonna be there soon.  Will the priest be able to stop him before the night takes a tragic turn?

Sometimes Absurd is referred to as a sequel to Anthropophagus.  I wouldn't know how closely they go together, because I haven't seen Anthropophagus.  It's out on DVD, but I'm holding off on it for now.

Anyhow, the plot is rather thin.  It does riff on the first two Halloween films, but reverses the order.  Things start in the hospital, and end in the isolated house.  Everything else is the same: Psycho monster goes on the loose, Dr. Loomis type is trying to stop him, kids/babysitter/nurse in peril.

Instead of boring things like characterization and subtext, Absurd focuses on gore.  While it's not the goriest thing I've ever seen, I do understand why it made it onto the Video Nasty list.  The murder of the nurse in the hospital is quite gruesome, though not in the realm of Fulci.  Another gory-highlight is the head-in-the-oven bit near the end of the film.

The most interesting aspect of the film has to be the use of the paraplegic girl confined to her bed for most of the film.  Her actions change everything at the end of the film, and also manage to provide some emotion to the film.  To tell you would be to spoil it for you.  And I know you don't want that.

All in all, a passable Italian slasher flick.  With some plot retooling, this could make a decent remake.  The ultra-healing monster could lend itself to either a supernatural spin or a sci-fi spin, depending on how you want to take it.  Maybe if I ever do make it in the movie biz...but then again, I'd have to do it after that movie about Ed Kemper I promised my mom...yes, my entire family is weird.