New Blog!

Come check out my new, non-horror related blog, Perro Sexivo: Becoming the Funny Sexy Guy.  It's about my trials and tribulations as I try to finally lose this weight I gained back...and then some.

perrosexivo.blogspot.com

And, yes, I WILL get to Cannibal Holocaust.

Later.
-Justin

Seriously...

Yes, I still haven't watched Cannibal Holocaust.  Yes, it is still in my possession.  Yes, it will be done soon.

I've been busy lately.  School started, work picked up, and last weekend I was a part of the F Bomb Comedy festival in Richmond.  It was my first "grown up" trip by myself, complete with the most comfortable hotel bed I have ever slept in.

As much as I wanna pop the disc in my laptop between classes, I have a feeling others wouldn't appreciate it.  But I need to watch it within the next week, because I have to return it and get my copy of Jerry Maguire for screenwriting class.  I should see if anyone wants to meet so we can watch it and go over the analysis together.

Okay.  Killing time before class.

Later.
-Justin

I haven't forgotten

I do have a copy of Cannibal Holocaust at home.  School started today and now it's gonna be hard to find time to sit down and watch it.

Especially since my Screenwriting class is gonna force me to use my movie time for, like, prestige pictures.  We gotta watch Jerry Maguire this semester.  Renee Zellweger.  Barf.

At least this week I will finally get around to watching Saving Private Ryan.  Always wanted to see it but never have.

Okay.  An hour left before class.  Gonna start reading my book and get a head start.

Later.
-Justin

This weekend...

I gotta watch the discs I have from Netflix so I can send them back and get Cannibal Holocaust (It's at the top of my list, and another Nasty is #2).

Luckily, it's only one movie (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane).  The other disc is the special features disc.  Just gotta get around to watching it.  Either tomorrow afternoon after seeing Piranha in 3D...or Saturday after work.

Okay.  I gotta shave and get all clean and stuff.  Performing tonight at Cinema Cafe in Pembroke.  If you're in the area, come see me.  It's FREE!

Later.
-Justin

BTW

Congrats to the Horror Blogger Alliance for making it into the pages of Rue Morgue Magazine!

As part of the alliance, I kinda feel like I'm in Rue Morgue, too.  Kinda gives me the warm tinglies.  But that may be the extra crushed red pepper I put on my pizza tonight (burns so good...).

So for those of you who don't know about the Horror Blogger Alliance, check them out (they are on the My Blogs list to the right).  They're a cool group and they have introduced me to a lot of cool blogs and bloggers.

What are you still doing here?  Click on their link.

Later.
-Justin

So...y'all have chosen...

Cannibal Holocaust.

It's on my Netflix.  It will be watched.  Or at least attempted.

Having a Friday the 13th weekend like USA used to have.  Taking a mini-break because I'm watching my four-year-old niece.  She got into Part 7 for the brief amount of time she caught of it.

But if my sister isn't home by 1:00, I'm sitting my niece down to watch Part 4.

Later.
-Justin

Certified Video Nasty: Don't Go in the House

Welcome back, ladies and gents.  Sorry it's been a while since my last Nasty, but Blockbuster had no selection whatsoever.  So I switched to Netflix.  On top of a better selection, their on-demand streaming is free with membership.  And they have Lars Von Trier's Antichrist.  Guess what I'm gonna be watching sometime this week...

Now if I could just get Blockbuster to quit sending me stuff...dude, I cancelled my membership.  Quit shipping movies.

Anyhow, onto my latest Nasty.

This is another one I'd been looking into since I was a wee lad.  However, I don't recall seeing this one in many video stores.  Instead I read about it in my Video Movie Guide...

Back to memory lane for a moment.

Every year my grandma would give me the latest and greatest edition of the Video Movie Guide by Mick Martin and Marsha Porter for Christmas.  It was one of the things I looked forward to every holiday season.  Ah, my grandma was always an enabler in my cinema addiction.  R.I.P. Grandma.  I miss you.

Now back to Don't Go In The House.

The Video Movie Guide gave it a low low rating.  Either one star or a turkey.  I don't remember off the top of my head.  Either way, I remember the one sentence review, which pretty much read, "Guy lures women into house and burns them to death."  Not exactly a review.  But that's common for horror movies, so I was kind of used to it.  Their review of New York Ripper simply said, "4 1/2 minutes were cut from this movie to avoid an X rating."

So my knowledge of the film was limited until I started researching the Nasties for this blog.

So the film follows Donny, a lonely duder (Richard from Doomed Moviethon, you got me using that word.  Hope you're happy).  Donny works at an incinerator.  Which is a strange occupation considering his mom used to burn him over the stove as a child.  I dunno about you, but if my mom held my arms over a stove when I was little, I'd probably choose to work for Ben and Jerry's.  Cold, flameless, and three free pints of ice cream every day.

Donny witnesses an explosion at work, standing mesmerized as a coworker runs around in flames.  See.  This would never have happened at Ben and Jerry's.  The other workers put out the fire and chew Donny out for standing and staring.  Except for one guy, Bobby, who for some strange reason wants to reach out to Donny.

When Donny gets home that night, he finds that his mother has passed away.  Something inside him snaps and he starts to hear voices.  And since this is a Video Nasty, they don't tell him to pick up some milk on the way home.

Donny reinforces a room in the house to be completely fireproof (imagine that conversation at Home Depot).  Then he lures young women into his home, strings them up, and goes at them with a flamethrower.  When they're finished toasting, he raids his mom's closet and dresses the bodies in her old clothes.

All the while, Bobby keeps trying to reach out to Donny.  Donny finally bites and goes out for the first time in his adult life...to a disco.  Inserted in between the murders and the disco scene is a strangely fitting scene where Donny goes shopping for something to wear.  This scene actually adds a bit of emotion to the film.  Here's somebody who has been locked up his whole life, who can finally go out into the world, and he's totally lost.  But that's just me.  Maybe it's really just five minutes to pad the running time to 82 minutes.

At the disco, Donny is his usual withdrawn self.  Not even the hot Farrah Fawcett haired chick Bobby set him up with will get him out of his shell.  When she tries to get him to dance, his burn scars start poking out from his sleeves, and all hell breaks loose.

Which came first, this or Maniac?  They're very similar.  Crazy abusive mommy, murdering women because of crazy abusive mommy, visions of his victims coming to haunt him.  Where the films differ is during the murders.  After the first (understandably Nasty-worthy) death in Don't Go in the House, the killings are more of an afterthought.  In Maniac, each murder is a long, choreographed exercise in tension...almost its own little short film (and most certainly nastier than anything in House).  Meanwhile, Maniac doesn't have as much of a backstory, while Don't Go In The House is more character based.

Don't Go in the House is a better film than I expected.  That said, some bits do date the film quite a bit.  First of all...Disco.  I love disco, so that doesn't bug me, but it will bug others.  Also, the scenes of Donny playing the radio and dancing after his mom's death...hmm...

Either way, this is an effective film, and a decent way to spend 82 minutes.  Would make a great double bill with Maniac.  And would also make a good remake in the right hands.

Anyhow, I'm off.  Another Nasty is on its way from Netflix.  All is well in the world.

Later.

-Justin

First Netflix Nasty...

Watching my first Video Nasty from Netflix.  I'll try to post my opinion tomorrow.

Later.
-Justin

Switching...

Switching from Blockbuster Online to Netflix.  The main reason is the selection.  I've been having a hard time locating gialli and Video Nasties lately, hence my lack of contributions to the blog.  They piled up on my Blockbuster queue, but their status hadn't changed from Very Long Wait.

Meanwhile, seems like everything I put in my Netflix queue is available immediately.

Another reason: I'm gonna be moving in a few months, and I have a feeling Blockbuster will be too far away to make in-store exchanges as convenient as they are now.  And every time I get an in-store exchange, I feel bad for the revenue they're probably losing on my free transaction and get their popcorn, pop and candy combo.  Not exactly the best way to keep weight off, is it?  Even if I get Orville's Smart Pop.

Got a good Nasty on the top of my list.  Can't wait till it gets here.

Later.
-Justin

Certified Video Nasty: The Beyond

Okay.  Finally getting around to writing about The Beyond.  Found some free time.  Not exactly feeling the greatest today so I'm skipping the gym and going tomorrow.  Think I just need a lazy day.

So, onto The Beyond...

I found it at the Naro Expanded Video store while waiting for the box office to open up (Also found Twitch of the Death Nerve, George).  Unfortunately, Virginia's super hot this time of year.  Didn't wanna risk having it sit in my car, so I had to wait until the movie was over.

So I went next door and saw the restoration of Metropolis.  Excellent, but I realized why I don't often see movies over 100 minutes in the theater...I don't have the butt-cheek fortitude.  Not even Metropolis can offset the effects of a numb backside.

Raced back to the video store, as if The Beyond were the last copy of...the latest new release of some type.  Dunno why I worried so much.  The only other person in Hampton Roads who I've spoken about Fulci with face-to-face totally destroyed the pronunciation of his name.  And that duder doesn't like Argento or Italian horror in general.  He prefers the Asian stuff...If I wanted pale, dark haired chicks, I'd rent Twilight....

So I popped this bad boy into the player that night.  Two movies in one day...talk about ass-cheek fortitude.  Even watching the second movie stretched across my bed.

The sepia toned prologue was quite well done.  Sure, the gore was kinda cheap, but it's Fulci.  I'm starting to see the light...Thin stories held together by gore setpieces.  This one takes a cue from Don't Torture a Duckling's chain-whipping scene and ups the ante with acid to the face.

The rest of the film doesn't disappoint, either.  Face meltings, eye-gougings (this time from the back of the head to the front), face-eating tarantulas...All outlandish, all fun.  One can see why the Brits got their knickers in a bunch.

And speaking of the tarantulas, I HATE spiders.  I have a history of arachnophobia.  I can kill them if need be, but other than that...ugh...If I see a big ugly spider on TV, I end up having nightmares that night.  And I sure did that night.  Brr...I don't care if they were fake during the actual flesh eating.  There were REAL spiders in some of those shots...

This film is truly one of Fulci's golden greats, and one every self-respecting gorehound should see it.

Later.
-Justin

A new Nasty

I watched The Beyond the other night.  I'll write about it soon.

Just gonna say one thing.

I f***ing HATE spiders.

Later.
-Justin

Not a horror movie, but...

I just saw a movie last night that I want to recommend to y'all.

Go see Lars and the Real Girl.

Just trust me on this one.

When a video nasty on my queue becomes available, I'll continue the Video Nasty-thon.  The only Nasties at my video store are movies I've already seen.  And I'm now searching for NEW Nasties.

So, until then, find a way to see Lars and the Real Girl.

Later.
-Justin

Ow...

Worked out today.  Ran 4 1/3 miles.  And worked on my abs.  Soy un perro sexivo.

And I rented the remake of The Crazies.  I'll probably catch it tonight or tomorrow.

I was in the mood for a comedy, but every comedy I wanted to see was rented out.

Got some Nasties in my queue, but it might be a while before I can get to another one...I'm not planning on revisiting any Nasties that I've already seen quite yet.  The giallo month is still wearing on me.

So Evil Dead is gonna have to wait.  Besides, that movie is rereleased so damn often that I refuse to buy or rent it until they promise to STOP.

Certified Video Nasty: Absurd

I'll refer to the movie as Absurd.

George Eastman is being chased by a priest...and ends up impaled on a gate.

At the hospital, surgeons discover he can heal super quickly.  This intrigues the surgeons, but George kills a nurse and escapes before they can investigate.  He then heads to a house in the woods.  Inside are a babysitter, a bratty kid, and a girl who seems to be paralyzed from the neck down...whose nurse is gonna be there soon.  Will the priest be able to stop him before the night takes a tragic turn?

Sometimes Absurd is referred to as a sequel to Anthropophagus.  I wouldn't know how closely they go together, because I haven't seen Anthropophagus.  It's out on DVD, but I'm holding off on it for now.

Anyhow, the plot is rather thin.  It does riff on the first two Halloween films, but reverses the order.  Things start in the hospital, and end in the isolated house.  Everything else is the same: Psycho monster goes on the loose, Dr. Loomis type is trying to stop him, kids/babysitter/nurse in peril.

Instead of boring things like characterization and subtext, Absurd focuses on gore.  While it's not the goriest thing I've ever seen, I do understand why it made it onto the Video Nasty list.  The murder of the nurse in the hospital is quite gruesome, though not in the realm of Fulci.  Another gory-highlight is the head-in-the-oven bit near the end of the film.

The most interesting aspect of the film has to be the use of the paraplegic girl confined to her bed for most of the film.  Her actions change everything at the end of the film, and also manage to provide some emotion to the film.  To tell you would be to spoil it for you.  And I know you don't want that.

All in all, a passable Italian slasher flick.  With some plot retooling, this could make a decent remake.  The ultra-healing monster could lend itself to either a supernatural spin or a sci-fi spin, depending on how you want to take it.  Maybe if I ever do make it in the movie biz...but then again, I'd have to do it after that movie about Ed Kemper I promised my mom...yes, my entire family is weird.

Later.
-Justin

Certified Video Nasty-Visiting Hours

Here's a blast from the past that I totally forgot about.  This is another one of those video boxes that beckoned me as a wee lad in the back of nearly every Mom and Pop video store.

Of course, I never got around to watching it until tonight.

So...how was it?

Barbara (Lee Grant) is a news reporter and a "strong, independent woman."  Cue Destiny's Child song.

This is evidenced by a confrontation she has with a lawyer regarding a battered wife's self-defense claim against her attacker.  The fight goes a bit too far and her producer (William Shatner) pulls it from the news program.

However, the creepy, woman hating station janitor Colt (Michael ironside) has seen the whole thing.  And he isn't too happy.

So he beats Barbara to her house and kills the cleaning lady before putting on all of her jewelry/makeup and trying to kill her.

Barbara survives the attack, and when Colt finds this out, he goes to the hospital to finish what he started.  And of course, it doesn't go as easy as planned.

Visiting Hours probably wasn't a Video Nasty because the film is covered in wall-to-wall gore.  The movie is a bit dry.  Some murders are offscreen, while others are relatively bloodless.  If anything, the Nasty status most likely came from the scene where Colt makes a local Valley-Girl looking hottie (played by Lenore Zann, who I remember was the voice of Sizzle on Stunt Dawgs and Rogue on X-Men) strip before beating her.  More specifically, he traces a knife across and down her body.  Not exactly BBFC friendly, guys.

Visiting Hours itself is a mixed bag.  The film starts out well enough.  But then at one point things split into two films.  Colt decides stalking one woman isn't enough, so he decides to stalk Barbara's nurse, Sheila (Linda Purl), as well.  However, he decides to stalk Sheila at her home rather than at the hospital.  This causes many shifts between Sheila's house and the hospital setting.  The film becomes very inconsistent as a result.  Too bad, because if the film had stayed in the hospital, it could have been a tense little sleeper.

Why aren't there that many horror movies that take place in a hospital?  Hospitals are creepy places.  I've spent a few nights alone in a hospital room as a kid.  It's cold and strangely empty and the night nurses aren't attentive as they should be...but that's another story for another day.

Later.
-Justin

Certified Video Nasty: Zombie

As y'all who have followed my blog know, I've kinda had a hard time getting into Lucio Fulci's work.  While I thought he had some decent stuff, the majority of his work came across as super-cheap gorefests with lots of cheap gore.  I do still think he made some stinkers (Manhattan Baby), and some frustrating movies (I know I'm gonna dodge some projectiles for this one, but House by the Cemetery falls into this category for me).

I started to turn the corner when I decided to check out The New York Ripper.  Yes, the subject matter isn't exactly uplifting or something you'd want to revisit on a constant basis (unless you hate women and their lady parts...in which case, go to therapy).  But it was actually a well done little thriller.

Now comes Zombie.  This is one of those movies where the video cover has beckoned me for as long as I remember.  It had one of those big-ass cardboard boxes with that zombie with worms all over his right eye.  One of those covers that made my sister cringe every time she swung by the horror section to see if I had (finally) made a decision.

I'm pretty sure I even had this one in my hand once or twice before switching to something else at the last minute.  Wonder what I chose instead.  Whatever.

Anyhow, onto today.

I had a free rental that was gonna expire if I didn't use it soon.  So I swung by Blockbuster and picked up this bad boy.  And a 1 liter of Coke.  And a box of Starburst Sour Gummies...that I only had three of.  Those things are nasty.  Blech.

So.  How'd it go?

I actually kinda liked it.

Zombie was an obvious attempt to cash in on Dawn of the Dead's success (Dawn was titled Zombi in Italy, so Lucio titled this one Zombi 2.  Try doing that in America.  I'd make millions with The Twilight Saga: Eclipse 2.  But the tweens would freak out when instead of sparkling, they'd explode in gushes of blood when in contact with the sun--and the female lead would actually be able to breathe with her damn mouth shut).

That said, it actually manages to hold its own.  Sure, there are some dull spots here and there, but when Zombie hits, it hits HARD.  Flesh-munching, gut chomping, splinter-in-the-eye, zombie vs. shark (Interrobang)...damn.  And the climax is actually quite engaging, taking place in a medical cabin overrun by zombies.

One element I enjoyed was the score.  The composers mixed African drums with a synth beat and managed to make it entrancing yet menacing all at the same time.  Well done.

All in all, I actually liked the movie.  Dunno how often I'll visit it, though.  Next time probably won't be until it gets its eventual Blu Ray release.

Should be getting a couple more Nasties in my mailbox before long...I love renting by mail.  Just wish they had The Beyond.

Yes, I actually want to see another Fulci movie...

Fulci Lives (?)!

Later.

-Justin

Pimping Myself Out...

Okay.  Here's the deal.

I signed up for the Clash of the Comics at the Virginia Beach Funny Bone.  I need to bring as many people as I can to get onstage.

So I'm pimping myself out.

Here's a free pass you can print out.  If you bring this and are one of the first 150 people, admission is FREE.  After the first 150 peeps, it's 1/2 price.

So print this bad boy and come out and see ME!


Later.
-Justin

It's been a while...

My bad.  After the giallo marathon, I needed a break.  Watched The Blind Side and Halloween 2.  Just did blank, non-giallo related activities.

Though I did buy a copy of Puzzle.  After being KO'd by Death Occurred Last Night, I had to catch up with Duccio Tessari.  I've seen Bloodstained Butterfly, too, but my VHS copy got lost and mixed up with Dad's movie collection when he moved to Michigan...and I don't have a VCR anymore, anyway.  I'll eventually re-buy that.

I still have a couple gialli I haven't watched.  I'll visit them soon...once I get the giallo overload out of my system...Fiber bars can only do so much at a time...

I am taking a screenwriting class in the fall when I start at my new school.  I'm gonna try to see if I can write a giallo.  I have a few different ideas that have been rolling around in my head for a while.  To put one on paper (well, computer screen, anyway) should help me get the other ones together.

Okay.  I gotta start getting ready for work in a bit.

Later.
-Justin

Palette Cleansers

Just watched Inglourious Basterds.  Very good film.  Thanks for voting.

It's a long film, though.  One I will rewatch every now and again, but it won't be for a while.  I always have a hard time with long movies...

BTW, all four of the movies on my palette cleanser poll were movies that I own but haven't gotten around to watching.

Traded in two of my gialli to Blockbuster (they were part of the rent-by-mail thingy) for two more palette cleansers: The Wolfman and The Blind Side.

Yes.  I rented a Sandra Bullock movie.  Guess the month of gialli did do a number on me.

I'm gonna watch one of them soon, then return it so I can get the MYA DVD of Absurd in the mail.  The plot sounds like Halloween 2 w/a killer that actually heals himself (!).  Plus it's a bonafide Video Nasty.  Always a plus.

That's probably gonna be my next project...Video Nasties.  I won't do a marathon again anytime soon, but I'll spend some time catching all the Nasties I can.  The whole ordeal of the Video Nasty era fascinates me.

Anyone got a copy of Ban The Sadist Videos I can borrow?

Later.
-Justin

Day 30: Opera

Well, ladies and gentlemen.  It has arrived: Day 30 of the month of gialli.

It has been a long, arduous journey, filled with some great surprises and some nights that tested my butt-cheek fortitude.  But I did it.  30 gialli in 30 days.

So what did I choose to close out the month?

Opera.  By that great maestro of gialli: Dario Argento.

The plot revolves around Betty, a young understudy who gets her big break after an opera diva is hit by a car.  Betty's breakthrough role?  None other than the female lead in an Verdi's rendition of The Scottish Play.

I'm a thespian.  If I say the name of the play, I have to spit, cuss, and turn around three times.  And if I spit on the floor, I think my mom would have a shit conniption.

After Betty's triumphant debut, some sicko ties her up and kills her lover.  And here's the kicker: He taped needles under her eyes so she has to watch every single moment of it.  If she closes her eyes, the needles will tear her eyes apart.

The killer frees her, only to continue to toy with her and kill those around her.

It's been too long since I last saw this film.  I totally forgot how great it is.

I mean, I always held it in high regard, but this film packs more of a wallop than I remembered. Merely the taping of the needles under Betty's eyes would have made this film memorable.  But there's so much extra.  The sheer brutality of the murders, the psychosexual themes, the twitching brain (if ever there were a need for an interrobang, it would be here), the autobiographical character in the horror movie director turned opera director.

And the ravens.  Oh, man.  The ravens.

Interesting thing I thought about while revisiting this movie.  The use of the ravens in this film builds upon some ideas Dario touched on in his previous film, Phenomena.  The ravens ultimately uncover the identity of the killer, much like the fly leading Jennifer Connelly to the killer's lair.  Strange how I hadn't thought of that until recently.

There are a couple of stumbles, however.  First off, the soundtrack.  Claudio Simonetti did compose some lovely, lyrical themes for the film, but the murders are scored by heavy metal music.  The same thing happened with Phenomena.  Simonetti's compositions for both films rank among my favorite musical works associated with Dario's films, but the heavy metal just throws things off.  The thing that baffles me, however, is how some Argentophiles feel the metal music works better in Opera than in Phenomena.  I've always thought the opposite.  But more on that at a later time.

The second stumble lies in the final final ending, set in the Swiss mountains.  While there is nothing wrong with the ending itself, it belongs to a completely different film...a sequel to Phenomena, perhaps?

That said, Opera is still a fantastic film that every self respecting giallo fan...heck, even overall horror fan, needs to check out.

In upcoming posts, I will have more giallo reviews, a write up of my palette cleanser (Inglourious Basterds, voted for by you), and reflections on this past month.

As for right now, I'm spent.  It's been a great journey.  Thanks for taking it with me.

Later.
-Justin